Free Stuff

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Stamp of approval

The receptionist at work deemed boyfriend "pleasant," as have most people who have met him.

Now boyfriend is indeed pleasant, but I wonder why that feature is so prominent.

Perhaps it is just in comparison to me.

Friday work thoughts

Leave it to the Republicans to resort to berating a size-8 woman about her weight. Laura Ingraham, you are stupid. Meghan McCain, you are even more irrelevant than Sarah Palin, and didn't deserve that six figure book deal. But-you aren't fat.

It is a sad, sad day when Ann Coulter suddenly seems mature by proxy.

heinous crimes I have committed against my sainted boyfriend, CCXVIII

This is probably best presented in a chronological order:

May 18, approximately 9:00 PM
Drunken TV watching. See informercial for "Bump-its." Decide I need spiky plastic hair pieces to look like a contender for Miss Texas.

May 19, approximately 7:00 PM
Announce to boyfriend that we HAVE to run an errand, near target, because I need SOMETHING. He is driving so I don't have to moderate my wine intake, and we are taking his car. Of course.

7:24 PM
Pull up to Sally Beauty Supply.

7:32 PM
Purchase 3 large, 2 small Bump-its, for the low-low price of $19.99

7:33 PM
Attempt to insert Bump-its in car. Between my ridiculously long torso and his small Japanese car, I fail.

7:36 PM
Attempt to insert large Bump-it in Target. Hair too short. Attempt to insert small Bump-it. Come to senses and realize I don't need to look like I have a large tumor.

7:45 PM
Coerce boyfriend into returning Bump-its while I sit in car, by making promises I intend not to keep.

7:48 PM
Realize I have large Bump-it still sitting in my lap, just as boyfriend is making a complicated left turn across approximately 75 lanes of traffic.

7:52 PM
Boyfriend parks at Sally beauty supply for the third time, returns ronin Bump-it.

7:55 PM
Reveal that I never intended to keep promises anyway. Feel the teensiest bit guilty.

Things that make me ridiculously happy

At the rate I am going, by the time my boss returns from his vacation I will have sent him approximately 96 emails. 5.33 of which will be forwarded insults from PhDs at other state agencies.

Eating two peanut m & ms in a row that lacked peanuts. Trying to figure out the odds of this, and failing.

My new, sexy adult hair. Suitable for visiting grad programs and hopefully getting free drinks at bars.

Worst idea ever

This shit is vile.

Granted I am a purist, a foody, related to professional and semi-professional chefs. But I had to go buy chili cheese fritos from the office vending machine just to cleanse my mouth of the horrific flavor.

I was thrilled by the cheap price ($2.50 at a large, corporate retailer) and gluten and msg-free nature of this product.

First warning sign should have been that the recipe on the back called for approximately 4 times as much water as was actually needed. And that it actually needed to cook for twice as long as the box stated.

The taste was sort of like really bad paste. The amazon.com review described it as spicy- ha. I went on a rampage through the cupboards of the work kitchen, trying to find sriracha, then soy, then even salt. Then, I remembered I work at a relatively conservative state agency; hence, the lack of anything spicier than maple syrup in the way of communal condiments.

To add injury to insult- I discovered after choking it down that it actually contains "two servings," bringing the total caloric content to 680. Good grief.

If anyone wants the other box, it will be in my outdoor garbage can.

Pravda

Don't ask me to edit a document unless you want to know what I really think.